The Consequences of Blaming Others That Will Cost You Badly

The Consequences of Blaming Others That Will Cost You Badly

“I failed to complete the task because I ..”, “I am late today because …”.

How often do you find yourself blaming others or the situation for your mistakes?

blame others situations

In this article, you will realize how easily you blame others to cover your own mistakes. You will learn how to stop blaming circumstances and other people for not being to achieve your results. By training your mind, you will be able to look at what you can improve instead of blaming something else. You will learn how to not blame the things out of your control even if a storm demolishes things around you.

This article is Step 1 – 5 consequences of blaming circumstances that will cost you of Phase 3: Transforming into a productive superhuman of the 3 phase transformation into superhuman productivity. You can begin right from step 1 by accessing the index here – 3 Phase Transformation into Living Your Dreams.

To understand the purpose behind the activity I recommend you to read through the article. But, for the busy bees, you can go directly to the exercise.

How often do you blame other people or the circumstances for your current situation or failures?

At first thought, you will be of the opinion that you do not blame others or circumstances at all. The psychology of blaming others is such that we justify a reason to ourself. Let us go through some of the common words people utter on a daily basis.

  • My manager sucks
  • My job is boring
  • My spouse does not understand my needs
  • My kids do not care about me
  • The Government is not helping the citizens
  • I just don’t have any luck
  • Today was not really my day

Are one or more of these your words too? Good, welcome to the complaining gang of the world. You are no different.

During the last time something went wrong, did you blame the circumstances as a reason for your actions and forget about the incident? Or did you take the opportunity to see what you could have done better?

On the surface, you will again be thinking that you did not blame the circumstances. However, when you are late, you tend to blame traffic. In reality, you could have left early too.

How the successful and mediocre approach problems

Both successful and mediocre people face problems and hurdles often. The subtle difference lies in the approach. Successful people overcome these difficult circumstances by changing themselves while mediocre people blame the circumstances for their failures.

When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.

Hiding from the truth

Even if the circumstance is completely out of your control, the outcome of it is not completely driven only by the circumstance. Your reaction to the situation is what shapes the outcome.

Such a mindset of no blaming dates way back to 3rd century BC called Stoicism.

In most cases, deep down you are aware of what you can improve. Your ego prevents you from accepting that you could have done better.

Examples of blaming others instead of improving yourself

As an example, let us say you have to go for dinner and it starts raining. Now raining is completely out of your control. You are annoyed because you will be late, you have to drive in the rain, you miss some time of dinner. You’re frustrated waiting for the rain to stop.

Blaming others for your anger

Read all those outcomes again. Aren’t they all the result of your reaction to the rain? You were blaming the weather for your anger and even find it justified. Just like you, there is another person facing a similar problem, who chose to drive in the rain. He informed his friend that he might be a little late due to the rains.

Same situation, same problems but different reactions. 

Let us take a second scenario. You have a co-worker who does not treat you well. He does not collaborate with you to work together. You have escalated the issue to your superiors and also confronted your colleague, but nothing seems to change. You are now blaming the work circumstances because you have a difficult colleague making your growth difficult.

Hatred for no reason

So you have escalated the matter and told your colleague that he needs to be more co-operative. Have you done something from your side to make him feel better? Have you given him a card on his anniversary, brought him a donut for no reason or asked how his family is doing? No, you haven’t.

All you are doing is blaming him for not being nice to you. In all likelihood, he is doing the same about you.

So remind yourself again “When you blame and criticize others, you are avoiding some truth about yourself.”

Sometimes our inner-self knows the truth already and many a time it is a truth which we fail to realize. We are blinded by the belief that circumstances are against us. We fail to even think we can change our behavior to change the outcome.

The mindset of blaming the world around

Whatever be the circumstance and whatever be the outcome, if you believe that it was completely somebody/something else’s fault you could do absolutely nothing about, you are only lying to yourself. You are not willing to learn a lesson from the circumstances. You are assuming you are not at fault at all or failing to accept your own area for improvement.

This attitude of believing you are a victim takes you nowhere. In fact, it can be detrimental to your growth. If you all you do is believe you were a victim, you will have nothing to change or improve. In simple words, you will believe that you are perfect the way you are. The outcome: nothing changes.

While you find some self consolation without admitting your mistake, you suffer silently in desperation. The circumstances or the people you are blaming have neither any clue that you are blaming them nor do they care. You just end up being a prisoner of your own hatred, growing into a bitter old man.

It is convenient to blame others for your unhappiness because it provides you some instant gratification by denying your faults. However, in the long run, you are stopping yourself from achieving your true potential.

Almost everyone has a tendency to blame others/circumstances one way or the other. Successful people blame on a very small scale while mediocre people do it on a daily basis.

How blaming will cost you

As an exercise, you will resist any tendency to blame anything but yourself from today. Watch your words and your thoughts. You are blaming something or the other more often than you think.

Here are some ideas for how to stop blaming others and cultivating the intention of learning and growing.

Realize complaining does not help:

Complaining

Is the traffic in your city increasing? Unless you are the mayor, you cannot change that, so stop complaining. Find a way to start early and leave early to avoid traffic.

On similar lines, assume your city is the worst city in the country and write 5 reasons to support your thought. When you read those 5 reasons your city looks terrible, doesn’t it?

Now assume your city is the best in the country and write 5 reasons for the same. Now doesn’t the same city seem awesome?

The city is as is and whether you find the city great or terrible is only your perception.

Admit that you were in some way responsible too:

Accept mistakes

Is your manager a jerk? Well, maybe you are not delivering as per his expectations. Have you tried to help him achieve his goals without expecting anything in return? Or do you try to hit back at your manager because he is a jerk? There is only one direction that can go: Downhill!

Also, as a reminder, nothing is stopping you from finding a new job with a new manager.

Spend time alone reviewing the situation:

Review mistakes

Initially, it might not be straight forward to identify what was your part in the problem. For example, you may not be clear about what prevented your promotion when the market has been doing terrible.

If you think hard, you will realize you could have performed 2X of your current performance. You could have found a different opportunity which gives you the equivalent of a promotion. But you didn’t. Even if the market did influence the outcome, there is no point blaming it as the whole and sole reason.

Identify the lessons to learn:

Identify lessons to learn

Every time you encounter a situation to blame others or the circumstances, ask yourself what was your lesson? What could you have done differently to change the outcome? Almost always, you will have a lot to learn, improve and change.

Conclusion

How to not blame others for your mistakes and stop blaming others forever.

To summarize, stop blaming to start evaluating and learning. Today and for the rest of your life, remind yourself – “when you are blaming a situation or a person or a thing, you are failing to look at your own mistakes and missing an opportunity to learn.”

Blaming is easy but it takes real character to look at your own area to improve.

Leave a comment mentioning which area do you blame a situation or person on.

This article is Step 1 – 5 consequences of blaming circumstances that will cost you of Phase 3: Transforming into a productive superhuman of the 3 phase transformation into superhuman productivity. You can begin right from step 1 by accessing the index here – 3 Phase Transformation into Living Your Dreams.



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